Gaia Community: Maile's Blog

Yoga for IBS

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 19:54:33 GMT

A few weeks ago, I wrote to Heather, the creator of a newsletter for people with IBS, asking her to share with her readers my offer of free private yoga classes to get them started in a home practice. She made the announcement in her newsletter on Tuesday, and the response has been wonderful.

I've already schedule classes for several people in my area, and I've gotten emails from people all over the world thanking me for the offer, even though they can't take me up on it. I've also gotten emails from yoga teachers asking for help working with students of theirs with IBS, and another teacher in my area asked me if I'd like to partner with her to put on a workshop.

Many people with IBS suffer for years without ever finding help. I've been fortunate to find yoga and also to find Heather. If anyone reading has IBS and has not found her yet, I highly recommend reading the articles on her website. It's made a huge difference in my life.

Tags: yoga, heather, ibs

Don't Think of an Elephant

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 01:04:46 GMT

Yesterday, a friend lent me his copy of George Lakoff's book don't think of an elephant. I'm halfway through now, and I've got to say: if you're a progressive/liberal/leftist who cares about US politics at all, you should buy or borrow this book. And when you're finished with it, pass it on.

Even if you care nothing about advancing progressive political ideals in the US, this book is worth a read. At least it's been for me. Lakoff opens the book by talking about frames: the basic pictures through which we view our world. The 'conservatives', he says, are good at using frames to advance their position. Namely, they frame their arguments in terms of the strict father model (think James Dobson) that the right values. Members of the left, says Lakoff, and I really identified with this, adhere more to a nurturant parent model (freedom, opportunity, honest two-way communication, etc.). Unfortunately (in terms of political advancement), we don't use that frame to our advantage.

So, okay, politics. Fun to read about but not a passion of mine. However, everything I read seems to subconsciously come back to this: how can I use this information to become happier? So I was walking down the street, and my mind was churning as usual, and it hit me: I parent myself (that is ego/self-hate parents 'me') using the strict father model, whereas the values I identify with are all in line with the nurturant parent model.

I don't know what this teaches me. It's not really a new realization, just something I hadn't been actively aware of... So I guess I'll end this entry with no conclusion, and I'll go finish the book--and continue to think.

Tags: books, ego, lakoff, self-hate

Shedding My Shoes

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 01:30:29 GMT

Yesterday I discovered something wonderful. I discovered that I don't have to wear shoes. And I discovered that I'm not the only one who thinks this is wonderful.

As a child I wore shoes only when I had to. I carried this behavior into my adult life, but my perception of when I had to wear shoes greatly changed over the years. Up until yesterday, I'd take of my shoes in the house or at the yoga studio, at the beach or park, sometimes when hiking or when sitting on a plane or at my desk if I was feeling rebellious, but that was as far as I went.

Life in shoes has done a number on my feet. It's limited my ability to walk (that is, I've had to cut back my pleasure-walking daily mileage to under 6 miles) and run, sent me to the podiatrist, put me in orthotics. Blech.

Well, yesterday I was looking online for something to do this weekend. Particularly, I was looking for someone who might want to go barefoot hiking with me. Turns out there's a group of such hikers in my area. There are also national (and probably international) groups for barefoot hiking, barefoot running, and barefoot living. Lovely!

This site in particular gave me tons of information, including:

It is healthy for your feet to go barefoot.
It is not against the law to go barefoot into any kind of establishment including restaurants.
It is also not against any health department regulation.
It is not against the law to drive barefoot.

Who knew? Not me, certainly. So yesterday I left my shoes at home. I walked straight out the door barefoot, down the sidewalks, across the streets, to the coffee shop. It was wonderful, despite the tenderness of my coddled soles. I got to feel textures that I never get to feel. My breathing opening up. And many of the people I passed smiled at me.

A man with a brief case and a business suit even stopped me and asked about it. I told him about my foot problems, that orthotics only seemed to be making things worse. He said he was wearing orthotics, too. "People do say we're not meant to wear shoes," he said, seeming to envy my freedom. Then he got into his car, and I walked away. But before I did, I saw him bend down. I like to think he was taking off his shoes.

Tags: freedom, happiness, barefoot

Back from Vegas

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 18:25:51 GMT

I just got back from several days in Las Vegas, where my friends were getting married. It was my first trip out there, hopefully my last.

I did try to keep an open mind about it all, and I did have some fun, but overall, the place felt so depressing to me. We spent hours in darkness (except for the millions of flashing lights on the slot machines) every day. We walked constantly in and out of buildings, between 106 degrees outdoors and chilling AC temps indoors, and stayed up so much later than my body is used to. There was cigarette smoke everywhere, and crowds, and everything was so expensive.

I think I'm just out of touch with the rest of the country (world?) after living in Berkeley for all these years. You couldn't design a vacation more opposed to my ideal.

That said, there were some nice moments. I got to spend quite a bit of time with some really wonderful people, deepening our friendship, getting to know more about them. I also got to spend a bit of time outside in the dry, hot air, which was fantastic, as Berkeley simply doesn't get that weather. We also witnessed a beautiful thunderstorm on the morning of the day we left, another thing Berkeley lacks, which I miss from my childhood.

That thunderstorm, among other things, delayed our flight home by several hours, but that was okay, too. While we waited in line for our plane to arrive, I sat down cross-legged on the floor and meditated. It was actually really pleasant to sit there with the chaos of the airport swirling around me. I highly recommend it. I'm also glad to be home.

Tags: meditation, travel, vacation, Vegas, airport

Thanks ROb

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 14:35:16 GMT

Reading ROb's blog is a joy, always, but yesterday, something he said got me thinking about the last several years of my life. For nearly a decade now I've been dealing with digestive problems, and I've gone to zillions of doctors and therapists, tried zillions of diets, herbs, exercises, etc. I entered each with the hope that I'd be cured, and I exited most in complete frustration.

Some worked some. None worked fully. I still have digestive discomfort, and I'm still working to alleviate it (my latest trick is trying to accept it so it'll just go away on its own--as you can see, my mind's not quite there yet), but yesterday, ROb was talking about speaking with a different voice, including speaking, essentially, from his gut, and I realized I've been doing this for a while now, in a subtle way. This inner voice of pain and ease in my gut is what's led me to veganism, to meditation, to Naikan, to zaadz.

I've been struggling against it all these years, and suddenly it revealed itself as my teacher. Perhaps others could have told me that years ago (they didn't, or I didn't hear them), but the news to me was somewhat mind-blowing. So thanks, stomach pain, for helping shape my happiness. And thanks, ROb, for helping me realize that truth.

Tags: happiness, ROb, ibs

There's Nothing Wrong with You

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 20:41:30 GMT

Self improvement has long been a hobby of mine. I take pleasure in setting goals, challenging myself, pushing myself farther. But that also has a flip side. I often strive for perfection then berate myself when I can't reach it. I sometimes find myself thinking in all-or-nothing terms: If I'm not acting in perfect accordance with my goals, then I'm an absolute failure.

I don't think I'm alone in this. There's a danger when we try to improve ourselves. That is, if we're telling ourselves we need to change, then we're also telling ourselves there's something wrong with us. Cheri Huber's great book There's Nothing Wrong With You opened my eyes to this recently. She discusses the critical inner voice so many of us carry around, the voice that says if we're not constantly punished, we'll be bad (so we punish ourselves, e.g. by calling ourselves fat).

And she gives us a challenge: stop beating yourself up for one day, and if you turn into a terrible out-of-control person, then then next day you can beat yourself up double. Sounds easy enough, but, at least for me, it's been hard. But that's okay, too. The more I grow in my meditation practice, the more I learn that when a thing is difficult, scary or uncomfortable it's doesn't mean it's bad, it just means it's difficult, scary or uncomfortable.

I've been trying not be be so hard on myself for just under a week, and at times I've found myself being more critical. But there have also been times where I've let go, where I've found myself lost in the moment. And you know what? The 'me' that's coming out isn't so bad.

Tags: books, buddhism, zen, self improvement, Cheri Huber

I'm Back!

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Wed, 31 May 2006 22:19:33 GMT

I'm finished with my yoga teacher training. I've definitely learned a lot about myself in the last month, and I've gotten to know a few other people as well. Life's still pretty busy, but I wanted to check in and say hi to everyone. Things have changed some around here!

I've missed you, and I'm glad to be back.

Tags:

Yoga Teacher Training

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:46:25 GMT

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog. It's wonderful to feel supported in sharing my thoughts.

I'm going to be doing an intensive yoga teacher training for the next several weeks, so I won't be around Zaadz much. I'll check in when I get a chance, however, so if anyone wants to get in touch with me, feel free to send me an email.

See you again in June.

Maile

Tags: away

Sowing Zaadz

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 21:23:00 GMT

The park by my house is a wonderful place. I was sitting there reading this afternoon and ended up talking to someone new. I felt a kinship with him right away, much as I've felt with many zaadzsters since joining.

He is the owner of spaceshare.com, a new business with the motto: "less cars. more community." I certainly agree with that. If you'd like more information, or if you'd like to volunteer, check out his website.

I imagine you'll be seeing him around Zaadz before long, as well, but if not, he's certainly shares this community's spirit and could use our help.

Tags: environmentalism, cars, spaceshare

Prepared to Fight

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 15:25:37 GMT

For the last several days, I've been asking myself why I'm doing whatever it is i'm doing. For me, this usually means asking myself why I'm worrying or analyzing. It's turned out that I most often don't know why my mind is spinning the way it is, and sitting with it in meditation has yielded few answers so far, but an interesting thing has happened. In continually asking 'Why am I doing X?', a pattern of Xs has appeared.

Namely, it seems I'm very often preparing to fight, or I'm preparing to defend myself in a fight. I replay past conversations in my head over and over (something I already knew I did), tweaking them so that the other person voices their criticism of me and I can counter with some defense (something I didn't know I did).

I also play out future conversations, such as those surrounding upcoming appointments and events, in much the same way. And I do this over and over and over. It's quite fascinating, really, to watch this going on without judging it. I'm not sure what I'll do with this knowledge, probably nothing purposeful. I think I'll just keep watching and see how things change on their own.

Tags: awareness, mindfulness, why

Feeling the Earth

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 20:26:49 GMT

The rain finally stopped yesterday, and though it's still a little cold, I went to the park and felt the earth, finally, beneath my bare feet.

It's been so long! There are many tree-lined streets in Berkeley, many lush flowering yards and gardens--plenty of 'nature' to look at, but so little to touch unless you go to the parks. And with the rain, the trails have been too muddy to hike without damaging them, same for the grassy fields. So I've lived, in my shoes, on the pavement or in my third-floor condo, barefoot on the carpet, doing my best to stay connected to the ground.

It wasn't until I took off my shoes yesterday morning (and again today. So wonderful!) and did qigong in the grass that I realized how much I had lost touch. It was beautiful, glorious, happy. Mud! Grass! Trees! Breath! Intoxicating.

Tags: earth, joy, nature, qigong

Change Habits with Toddler Mind

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:59:17 GMT

My mother called the other night to tell me she'd found some audio tape recordings she'd made when I was about two or three years old.   When I asked her what was on them she just laughed, then she'd send me a copy. I was, she said, quite exhausting. Like many toddlers, I was constantly asking 'why'.

It's a voice that's gotten quiet in me as habit took over my actions. This is, often, a good thing. My brain's trick of pattern recognition (and what are habits but patterns of action?) serves me well.

But, obviously, not all habits are 'good'. Though they may have provided benefit in the past, some are now doing harm. The world is always changing, and I want to change with it. But altering habits by force of will is difficult. People often seek motivation to bolster their efforts, but this, too, can be hard to come by.

This is because most of the motivations we seek are external: a personal trainer to help us get in shape, a monetary 'reward' if we focus at work, a friend to quit smoking with us. But these motivators can be expensive, or far off, or short-lived. What we really need is motivation from the inside.

Asking yourself 'why' is the key to finding such motivation. For example, I have a habit of worrying; it's something I want to change. It's also something I've struggled with for a long time, but the other day I started asking myself 'why', as often as I could. Why am I worrying about my appointment tomorrow? What benefit does my subconscious mind hope to get from this worrying? Also, why am I eating this soup? Why am I going to bed now? For the last few days, my internal voice has sounded a lot like a toddler.

The answers are often difficult to find, but that's okay. If I don't know the answer, I set it aside and return to it when I do my sitting meditation, not to analyze it but just to be with it. And answers are starting to appear.

Once you know why you're acting as you are, I think changes will occur naturally. You won't need force of will to stop the worry (that's sure to fail anyway). Instead, you'll come to realize that you're not getting the specific benefit you hoped (deep down) to get.   You'll start to see that you could get that benefit in another way. Or maybe that you no longer want or need it.

I've only spent a few days with toddler mind, and already I'm starting to feel a change. It's something I hope to continue for the rest of my life. Why? I'll have to meditate on that later.

Tags: habits, motivation, why, toddler mind

What's Your Ikigai?

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 03:07:33 GMT

The Japanese term ikigai translates as, roughly, "that which makes life worth living." I first encountered the term today in this video about longevity on the National Geographic website.

What's your ikigai? Here's one of mine:

I'm still thinking about the others.

Tags: happiness, ikigai

The Deep Satisfaction of Mini-Goals

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:08:21 GMT

Setting long-term goals is, of course, a great way to keep your life moving in a positive direction, to help you achieve all the things you want to achieve.

However, goal setting is useless unless you can keep those goals in mind now, unless you continually ask yourself whether what you're doing contributes to reaching that goal. The trouble with this is at least two-fold:

1- It's difficult to keep several far off goals in mind at once, and

2- Even in you keep your goals in mind, it can be difficult to know whether your actions are in line with them.

I've taken a few steps to deal with (1). First, I've narrowed my long-term goals down to three mid-term (about five years from now) goals. Second, I've written them down in bold letters, framed them, and hung them on my wall. Seriously. In fact, I took down the wall clock and replaced it with my goals. Every time habit turns my head to check the time, I see my list of goals.

But this does not resolve problem (2). For example, one of my goals is to finish and publish my novel. The list on my wall keeps this near the fore of my mind, but I'm still not always sure whether a given action of mine is keeping me on track. For example, it may be true that going for a run will improve my brain function, which in turn will make it easier for me when I sit down at my computer to write. But it may also be true that the time spent running would have been better spent actually writing.

Reframing your goals as habit-changes may be one way to overcome (2), and that's what I did automatically with the other two goals on my list. But with my novel, my goal is not to simply write every day. My goal is to finish. And publish.

Here is where mini-goals come in. Setting them happened for me accidentally when I ran into Randy Ingermason's Snowflake Method for writing a novel. Though I'm much further along in my writing than I think most members of his target audience, I decided to pull myself away from my routine and give his steps a try. Writing in steps meant, basically, setting mini-goals.

And you know what? It was deeply satisfying. Instead of each day knowing I'd not yet reached my goal, each day wondering if I was really on track, I finished each day knowing I'd accomplished a specific task I'd set out to do. The idea of mini-goals is nothing new, but it was something I'd fogotten. If you find yourself slipping away from your goals, you may want to give it a try.

Tags: goals, habits, writing, personal development

"Vegans Don't Look That Healthy"

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 14:40:03 GMT

That, like any other generalization, sounds ridiculous when taken out of context; as with any other group of people, some look quite healthy, others look like complete slobs, and many rest somewhere in between. Nonetheless, my experience with this phrase last night was pretty funny, at least to me.

After a day of pounding rain (among months of rain), last evening's weather finally cleared up a little, affording my husband and me a really nice setting for our run. Shaken up by the rain, the flowers perfumed the air, the setting sun lit the horizon with orange and pink clouds. It was beautiful, and our run reflected that. We had started out feeling gloomy, and by the end we were almost glowing.

So it was especially funny when near the end of our run we passed two people standing on the sidewalk talking, and one said, "vegans don't look that healthy." I have no idea what they were talking about; these were the only words we heard.

Now, I don't claim my husband and I look like underwear models, but we've been eating really well lately, and we'd just been discussing how healthy we felt, and come on, pretty much anyone looks healthy while they're out running. Anyway, we both turned around and said, "we're vegans," and the guy said, "that's what I was afraid of" and we all laughed.

So that's all. It was nice. I hear plenty of vegan bashing in Berkeley, and I try to consider it a good thing--it reflects, at least, a high level of vegan awareness. I usually say nothing; there's little point in arguing an ethical decision, and people are notoriously irrational about health, but our reaction to this guy last night was reflexive. And satisfying.

And I know I should spend time out of my safe little bubble of hippy liberalism now and again, but I doubt I'll ever leave it for good. Its little moments like the one last night that remind me how much I freakin' love Berkeley.

Tags: health, veganism, berkeley

Spiritual Atheism

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:40:05 GMT

I consider myself a buddhist. I also consider myself an atheist.

Outside of Zaadz, these are two things I generally keep to myself. The few times I have disucussed my spiritual life with other-minded people (I come from a family of conservative Christians, among whom the topic of religion is hard to avoid), they have had difficulty understanding how I can live a fulfilling life without God to guide me.

In Breaking the Spell, a book I'm currently reading by philosophy professor Daniel Dennett, I found a paragraph that perfectly expresses my answer to that question. He says:

"What [spiritual atheists] have realized is one of the best secrets of life: let your self go. If you can approach the world's complexities, both its glories and its horrors, with an attitude of humble curiosity, acknowledging that however deeply you have seen, you have only just scratched the surface, you will find worlds within worlds, beauties you could not heretofore imagine, and your own mundane preoccupations will shrink to proper size, not all that important in the greater scheme of things. Keeping that awestruck vision of the world ready to hand while dealing with the demands of daily living is no easy exercise, but it is definitely worth the effort, for if you can stay centered, and engaged, you will find the hard choices easier, the right words will come to you when you need them, and you will indeed be a better person. That, I propose, is the secret to spirituality, and it has nothing at all to do with believing in an immortal soul, or in anything supernatural" (pg 303).

So well put; I plan to quote it often. "Keeping that awestruck vision of the world..." is probably one of the best things any of us can do.

Tags: atheism, buddhism, philosophy, mindfulness, dennett

Giving Yourself Away

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:49:41 GMT

I just got back from my first acupuncture apointment with Marti Lee Kennedy. The apointment itself was wonderful, but what stood out to me the most was how comfortable Marti made me feel. When I was around her I felt she was giving herself to me completely, not out of obligation or duty but because she truly liked me. And she interacted with everyone this way.

This capacity is something I've long wanted to cultivate. I find that the more Naikan I do, the more it naturally happens, but I still have a ways to go. Meeting with Marti served as a wonderful reminder to me. It's easy for me to get caught up in 'inner' work, in meditation, yoga, etc. with the goal of improving myself first, thinking that if I am calm, I will natrually help make people around me calm.

But this isn't quite right. Interaction between people is never one way. I must also give myself to the moment, must listen to the other person, watch her, pay attention to what she needs and what she is giving me. That I grow calmer as a result is only secondary.

Tags: personal development, Naikan, acupuncture

Mindfulness Challenges, part 2

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 18:39:19 GMT

The path to understanding non-dualism, stillness of the mind, etc., practically and not just theoretically, is often so juxtaposed to my old thought-patterns that it can become, for me, its own source of suffering.

I would like to settle my mind and have been working to so do for many years. The constant swirling of thoughts, worries and anxieties has caused me physical as well as emotional suffering. And yet, I find myself so resistant to change, so ready with excuses and fears to hold me in my current patterns.

For example, I know that doing things for others makes me forget myself and my suffering. Yet my mind pipes up with worries: will the people think I'm trying to get something out of them? or will I get my fair share in return (despite my Naikan reflections showing quite certainly that I'm receiving more from the world than I'm giving)?

I also forget myself and my suffering when I'm deeply immersed in a project, and these projects often end up benefiting others. Yet my mind pulls me away from my concentration, reminds me of all the other things I should be doing, all the other people I need to respond to. I end up never quite giving myself fully to anything... except my worries.

And then I worry that I'm not sitting enough, not meditating correctly. I anticipate having to do Naikan later. I start to dread doing things that I enjoy. It does not make sense.

Constructive Living/Morita Therapy would have me accept these worries and do what I need to do anyway, and I believe this is good advice. But it can be so hard to follow. Though to do it perfectly, I only need to do it now, I end up worrying about the future, replaying the past. It can feel like climbing an impossibly high mountain sometimes.

And this overwhelmed feeling is a perfect reminder of Morita's advice. (Paraphrasing): When you're climbing up a mountain, it's OK to give up as many times as you want as long as your legs keep moving.

Tags: mindfulness, personal development, constructive living, naikan, morita

Spore

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 19:21:43 GMT

Check out Will Wright's presentation on his upcoming game, Spore. It's insane.

Tags: games, Spore

Goals and Habits

http://simplicity-seeker.gaia.com — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 19:04:07 GMT

The other night my husband and I each wrote down three goals we want to achieve within the next five years and posted them on the wall. Seeing them there not only reminds us of our own goals, it also help each of us to make sure our actions support the other's. This is a new thing for us, but it seems to be working well.

As we were writing the goals down, I noticed that I had conceived mine in terms of changing habits rather than endpoints. I'm not sure why I did this (it certainly wasn't purposeful), but the more I think about it, the more I like it. It gives me a thing to do, rather than a task to reach. It helps me stay in the moment while I move forward.

Looking around Zaadz, I see that many people frame their goals this way. 'Exercise daily' rather than 'get in better shape' or 'be mindful of where I spend my money' instead of 'save enough to retire early'. Is there any benefit to this type of goal-setting? In the past, I have always thought of my goals as endpoints to reach, and I have had success with that method.

As I come up with shorter-term goals, I think I'll try framing some the habits way and some the endpoints way. I wonder if there will be a difference in my success rates. If there is, will this mean one way is inherently better (assuming it's not mere coincidence). Will it mean one way is better for me but may not be for others? I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this, and I will, of course, post my own observations if any arise.

-----

[Our bad habits] cost us dearly, yet we cannot help but hold them dear, for they are us. That is, we have all developed seemingly tried-and-true patterns of thinking and reacting, crystallizing into stories about ourselves and the world, and we cling to them as our identity and home.
-Chip Hartranft

Tags: goals, habits, mindfulness, personal development