There's Nothing Wrong with You

Self improvement has long been a hobby of mine.  I take pleasure in setting goals, challenging myself, pushing myself farther.  But that also has a flip side.  I often strive for perfection then berate myself when I can't reach it.  I sometimes find myself thinking in all-or-nothing terms: If I'm not acting in perfect accordance with my goals, then I'm an absolute failure.  

I don't think I'm alone in this.  There's a danger when we try to improve ourselves.  That is, if we're telling ourselves we need to change, then we're also telling ourselves there's something wrong with us.  Cheri Huber's great book There's Nothing Wrong With You opened my eyes to this recently.  She discusses the critical inner voice so many of us carry around, the voice that says if we're not constantly punished, we'll be bad (so we punish ourselves, e.g. by calling ourselves fat).

And she gives us a challenge: stop beating yourself up for one day, and if you turn into a terrible out-of-control person, then then next day you can beat yourself up double.  Sounds easy enough, but, at least for me, it's been hard.  But that's okay, too.  The more I grow in my meditation practice, the more I learn that when a thing is difficult, scary or uncomfortable it's doesn't mean it's bad, it just means it's difficult, scary or uncomfortable.

I've been trying not be be so hard on myself for just under a week, and at times I've found myself being more critical.  But there have also been times where I've let go, where I've found myself lost in the moment.  And you know what?  The 'me' that's coming out isn't so bad.