Mindfulness Challenges, Part 1
Posted on Apr 3rd, 2006
by 
Maile
Maile
Last night I dreamed of Christmas, and it was sad.
My sister and I were little kids again, living at my parents' house, and on Christmas morning, Mom, Dad, Sis and I all walked downstairs to see four giant mounds of presents sitting near the tree. Without a word to each other, without a smile, we each walked to our own mound and started ripping the paper off the gifts, even before we had a chance to sit down.
In the dream I stopped once, tried to thank my mother for a necklace she'd given me, but she waved me away and continued tearing through the mountain before her. In minutes, we were all finished, sitting next to a giant pile of gifts and an equally giant pile of spent wrapping-paper and ribbon. What should have been a wonderful event, a time to be grateful, to reflect on the love of the people who've given the gift, my familiy had rushed through, as if getting to the end mattered most.
This is a bit of an exageration, but I find that the more I practice mindfulness, the more eating meals with other people feels like that dream. When I was a part of the rush, I never noticed it, but now that I'm trying to pay attention (and often struggling to do so, especially when eating), I really notice how little people care about their food, how little they savor the bites they take, appreciate the work that so many others have done to create the meal, even when they cook it themselves.
This is, of course, not universally true. Some people appreciate their food a great deal and eat it with care. Even people who don't do this regularly, do do it at times. But what can I do when I find myself the odd man out at the table. What can I do when the others are rushing but I want to slow down?
I suppose that, as with many things, deferring to simplicity is the answer. I don't need a fancy technique in order to be mindful in a crowded, noisy restaurant with fast-eating friends. And I certainly don't need to struggle to change their behavior or even to change the setting. I just need to slow myself down, notice the beautiful presentation and the good company, and appreciate the gift of each bite.
My sister and I were little kids again, living at my parents' house, and on Christmas morning, Mom, Dad, Sis and I all walked downstairs to see four giant mounds of presents sitting near the tree. Without a word to each other, without a smile, we each walked to our own mound and started ripping the paper off the gifts, even before we had a chance to sit down.
In the dream I stopped once, tried to thank my mother for a necklace she'd given me, but she waved me away and continued tearing through the mountain before her. In minutes, we were all finished, sitting next to a giant pile of gifts and an equally giant pile of spent wrapping-paper and ribbon. What should have been a wonderful event, a time to be grateful, to reflect on the love of the people who've given the gift, my familiy had rushed through, as if getting to the end mattered most.
This is a bit of an exageration, but I find that the more I practice mindfulness, the more eating meals with other people feels like that dream. When I was a part of the rush, I never noticed it, but now that I'm trying to pay attention (and often struggling to do so, especially when eating), I really notice how little people care about their food, how little they savor the bites they take, appreciate the work that so many others have done to create the meal, even when they cook it themselves.
This is, of course, not universally true. Some people appreciate their food a great deal and eat it with care. Even people who don't do this regularly, do do it at times. But what can I do when I find myself the odd man out at the table. What can I do when the others are rushing but I want to slow down?
I suppose that, as with many things, deferring to simplicity is the answer. I don't need a fancy technique in order to be mindful in a crowded, noisy restaurant with fast-eating friends. And I certainly don't need to struggle to change their behavior or even to change the setting. I just need to slow myself down, notice the beautiful presentation and the good company, and appreciate the gift of each bite.
Access: Public
eating
June 2006 
“But what can I do when I find myself the odd man out at the table. What can I do when the others are rushing but I want to slow down?”
just thought of this evil koan while reading this. is it possible to rush or do stuff in hyperspeed while still being mindful about it? just a thought. i don't know the answer too.
“I suppose that, as with many things, deferring to simplicity is the answer. I don't need a fancy technique in order to be mindful in a crowded, noisy restaurant with fast-eating friends. And I certainly don't need to struggle to change their behavior or even to change the setting. I just need to slow myself down, notice the beautiful presentation and the good company, and appreciate the gift of each bite.”
for some reason i got goosebumps reading this. i'm one of those fast-eating people. sometimes i hate myself for it because i'm mindful of my being fast yet my deep ingrained habit won't let me stop it. maybe if i practice Naikan more…
anyway, i just felt gravitating towards this blog post because of serendipity again. why? because i blogged this just a while ago. i think we mean the same thing.
~C (for Conscious eating)
Haha, this is really interesting, because I've had the same sort of reaction in the past! I'm usually the last one done eating in my circles, too. Unless I'm with a talker.
Funny how doing something ourselves gives a negative recoil when we notice people not doing it, huh? I try and not feel rushed, even when everyone else is done with their meals. Sometimes I use it as a good portioning technique; if everyone's done and ready to leave, and I'm still eating, I figure I've probably had enough. Shrug.
Good to know there's others out there savoring every bite! It has increased my food satisfaction tons; tasting food is great
That's a good point, ~C. People can do things quickly yet still do them mindfully, as Fredrick reminded me today. It's just that when it comes to eating (and most things), I'm not skillful enough to do this.
And ROb, I agree about the portioning thing. I'm working on it, but I have to get myself out of the more-is-better mindset first. I have to move away from thinking that I need to get my 'fair share'. It's happening, but it's happening slowly.